I haven’t felt this before a lifetime ago
I know it’s temporary so I try so hard to ignore
But still feel the deep sick of panic low in my guts
At the edge of the fjord; ice crystals beneath my boots
I will look to the clean blue water
With fur under your throat, my gloved hand
In a dream after the moon
Washed this earth and my cheeks
I climbed the small hill back to the cozy inside
Of my cabin fire and sheets
We hiked in the easy lake forest
To connect away and to hide from the heat
My eyes caught a small dark shadow
Cross the foliage before my feet
Oh! A toad I shrieked as I bent down
Seven or eight again to catch it
Like I always do
My excitement met with silence
Looking up you were gone. Gone!
On the pavement you walk so slow
In the woods I can’t keep up
With your oddly fast strides
I remember all the times I asked you to stay
Maybe I should’ve asked you to come
For now it’s a shadow of guilty sadness
When I lament the peaceful relief
Of times when you were not near me
What kind of person feels like this
Like a hollow coconut shell
All the meat pulled out
In the sand in the sun with the water so close
Unreachable like the day that maybe I died
Your skin talks to me
With words too true for my mouth to form
Words old trees whisper with a buzz
Of electricity tickling my fingertips
When I caress the bark like a tender love
The auditory hallucinations I ignored
Shook my head but my breath has frozen
Struck with awe drowned in doubt and denial
For the timing so melancholy and hazy
As the memory of life before birth
I was drawn like a wild bird
Hunting sown seed in the snow
What is magic I seek
Hidden in the taste of water
In your clean sweat on your chest
That drops big drops onto my face
As off the edges of leaves
Of the forest
A safe canopy
Where it’s dark and cool
Insulated from the harsh rays
Of the naked sun after
The long rain
